Don't Wanna Be Torn
by Thats-So-Alex
Summary: Bella gets thinking about Edward. Why he left, and the many reasons why she is so broken. One-Shot/Song-Fic. Set somewhere in New Moon. R&R Please!


**A/N: Hey everyone! Another one-shot for you all! Again, it's a quite depressing and sad one, but you all know that this seems to be the only type I can write! Anyway, this one is based upon the song by Hannah Montana. The first time I heard it, I thought it just realted to Edward and Bella's story so much. I know not all of you will be Hannah Montana fans, but if you just listen to the song. Youtube it! :) **

**I wrote this on Friday night, and I've been trying since then to upload it, and it finally worked! Yay! :D I know it's not that long, but I couldn't keep dragging it on....Song lyrics are in italics, and it's set somewhere in the middle of New Moon. **

_Bella's Point of View: _

I don't know if it's what I said, or something I'd done, but I still couldn't get my head or my heart, around the idea that he'd gone, and he wasn't coming back. Ever.

Maybe if I'd thought before I said all of the stuff I did, he'd still be here. Maybe if none of that stuff had happened, he'd still be here.

Maybe…

It's that sort of word that you use when you wish you'd done something. Its like 'If only'. If only I'd told him how much I really needed him. If only I'd be more careful.

If only…

I know that some of the things I'd done hadn't been the best, but my decisions had been what was right. They were right for me. They were never right for him.

He never wanted to make me like him, so that we could be together forever. He'd find somebody that he really wanted to be with. Somebody who was better suited for him than me.

It never had made sense for him to love me; I had always known that, deep down in my heart.

I crawled up onto my bed, and moved so I was right in the corner. As far away from the door as possible.

All the emotion was starting to build back up, and I could feel the hole in my chest burning from me thinking about him too much.

I wrapped my arm around my torso and tried to breathe through the raw emotion pulsing through me. The tears started falling silently down my cheeks, and I was suddenly very grateful that Charlie wasn't here. He'd seen too much of my pain already.

The tears started falling more rapidly and I wrapped my arm around my torso more tightly than before. If…I forced myself to think his name…_Edward _was here, he'd wipe the tears away and tell me everything was going to be okay, I wouldn't have to worry because he was right here with me. He'd have brought the walls down that I'd built up around me. He was here and nothing else mattered.

_And these walls I'm building now  
You used to bring them down  
The tears I'm crying out  
You used to wipe away_

He used to tell me what it was easy, that my heart would tell me the right thing to do. Had _his _heart…his non-beating heart told him that leaving me was the right thing for _him _to do?

He'd told me I'd be okay. That I'd move on and find somebody else. That I'd forget, and that it would be as if he never existed.

Why am I breaking apart then?

Every single day, another part of my heart breaks off. Every single time I think about him, the hole in my chest opens up bigger than before. My lungs can't cope with the pain that it brings. My heart can't cope with thinking about him anymore.

I can't cope with thinking about him anymore.

I'd done what I believed was right for him. Everything I did was about him. He was everything to me. _Everything_.

What I wanted was to be like him. What I needed was to be with him forever. But he believed that I didn't _need _to be like him.

_Don't make me have to choose between  
What I want and what you think I need. _

A loud sob broke through my mouth, and I used my free hand to wipe away the tears that were still streaming down my face.

Everything was so complicated. It consumed every single cell in my body, every single second of the day.

_Why is all this so confusing, complicating and consuming  
Why did all this made me angry  
I want to go back to being happy._

It makes me angry. It angers me that he left without a real explanation. It angers me that he lied to me. And most of all it angers me that he's never coming back. The more I hope, the more that possibility fades into the darkness.

All I want is to be happy again. To have a reason to smile. To not have to wrap my arm around my torso every time I think the wrong thing. To not have this burning hole in my chest. To not have a shattered heart.

I don't want to be torn, anymore.

**A/N: Please review! I hope you liked it! :D **

**Thank you! Alex, xoxox. :) **

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